There’s no doubt about it; a Christmas album in early October is sacrilegious. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had a mince pie or three in early November, but as a rule Christmas songs don’t get played until December 1st. Not even Kelly Clarkson’s Underneath The Tree. That being said, Dolly Parton is back after 30 years with her album A Holly Dolly Christmas and I am willing to put aside the small fact that it was released exactly 12 weeks before the big day. This year, with the entire festive season in danger of being cancelled, I’m feeling more forgiving. Besides, if anyone has earned the right to do what the fuck they want, it’s Dolly Parton.
If there’s one thing camper than Dolly, it’s Christmas. The two make natural bedfellows given Parton’s angelic spirit, penchant for shiny things and specific brand of Christianity. But despite the longevity of her career and broad range of her catalogue, Dolly Parton has only birthed two previous Christmas albums; a 1984 collaboration with the late Kenny Rogers and 1990’s Home for Christmas, which relied on traditional carols. Neither reached the UK chart, but this latest release has already topped the Billboard Top Country Albums Chart, becoming Parton’s eight album to do so.
Bursting back on to the Yuletide scene in 2020, this album is heavy on originals, with two songs tied to TV movies set in the Dolly Parton Universe. Although the term original is one that’s used fast and loose when it comes to writing Christmas songs. The words “Ding” and Dong” are applied liberally here.
A number of Dolly’s celeb family and friends lent their voices to this project too- from icon and goddaughter Miley Cyrus to Michael Bublé, who will of course imminently emerge from hibernation to serenade us with his unique brand of perfunctory-car-salesman festive crooning.
“I’ve never been more excited about a project in my whole career than my Holly Dolly Christmas album,” says Parton. “I’m singing with some of the greatest artists ever on some of our favourite classic Christmas songs and a few new ones that I have written. I hope we all have a Holly Dolly Christmas this year!” Despite me being hard pushed to believe that Dolly has never been more excited for a project in her career, I’m up for whatever constitutes a Holly Dolly Christmas.
But is the album any good? Should Mariah be quaking in her snow boots? Is it any better than Jessica Simpson’s 2010 offering Happy Christmas? And will it warrant a listen every Christmas from now until the end of time?
Here are my thoughts on each track:
1.) Holly Jolly Christmas
The tune that inspired the album is the opening track- a cheeky tribute to Burl Ives. The production has a smidgen of country twang. There are spoken words sections where it seems like Dolly is thinking aloud: “Oh, I just love Christmas. All the celebrations, all the presents. Fun with family and friends. Oh, every year I love singin' this song and I thought, well, why not just do a whole album called A Holly Dolly Christmas. So I did.” All in all, a great opening.
Christmas Cheer: 9/10. Camp Level: 8/10. Rhyming: 9/10
Is it better than Leona Lewis’ One More Sleep? No.
2. Christmas Is (ft. Miley Cyrus)
Dolly reprises her role as Hannah Montana’s Aunt Dolly as Miley Cyrus joins her on this track, another Parton original. According to Miley, Dolly Parton is the only person you “sing a Christmas carol in July” for. The song’s message is that it’s better to give than to receive, which is disputed at best, but it gets to the heart of traditional Christmas values. Dolly’s fanbase will lap it up. And Dolly and Miley sound great together. I’d like more music from the two of them.
Christmas Cheer: 8/10. Camp Level: 8/10. Rhyming: 7/10
Is it better than 8 Days of Christmas by Destiny’s Child? No.
3. Cuddle up, cozy down christmas
(ft. Michael bublé)
Some people will find this cozy, some people will find this titillating, some people will find this too syrupy, some people will tap their toes along to it and some people may find the overt sexual tension too much. On some levels, it’s a nice antidote to Baby, it’s Cold Outside. I do have a question about whether Michael and Dolly are playing themselves, or characters. I would’ve liked more information on the wider story.
Christmas Cheer: 7/10. Camp Level: 6/10. Rhyming: 8/10
Is it better than Michael’s duet White Christmas with Shania Twain? Yes.
Is it better than Michael’s duet Baby it’s Cold Outside with Idina Menzel? Yes.
Is it better than Michael’s duet Winter Wonderland with Rod Stewart? Yes.
4. christmas on the sqaure
This is my favourite song on the album. I’m sure it’s only improved by the context of the TV movie it’s taken from. Just when you think you’ve had enough banjo Dolly gives you more banjo and you realise what the song needed was more banjo. This track is nothing short of a hoot. A hoedown. A foot stomping romp of a group number. I’m in.
Christmas Cheer: 9/10. Camp Level: 9/10. Rhyming: 10/10
Is it better than Taylor Swift’s Christmas Tree Farm? Yes.
5. circle of love
This is the second song attached to a movie that features on the album. Dolly shows off her belt as she sings ‘Happy Birthday dear Jesus.’ Her voice sounds really full and gawj. The atmospheric backing vocals are quite fun. It’s not breaking any rules, and the song is very traditional, but it has an open hearted sentiment synonymous with Christmas and Dolly that’s irresistible.
Christmas Cheer: 7/10. Camp Level: 4/10. Rhyming: 7/10
Is it better than Dolly Parton’s version of Silent Night? No.
6. all i want for christmas is you (ft. jimmy fallon)
My main thought on this is thank God it’s not James Corden.
Christmas Cheer: 8/10. Camp Level: 7/10. Rhyming: n/a
Is it better than Mariah Carey’s original? Sadly no, but nothing is.
P.S. skip to 3.50 for a treat.
7. comin’ home for christmas
Quite similar to Drivin’ Home For Christmas (click here for Stacey Solmon’s version).
After a slightly ominous start (“daddy’s in the woodshed / with axe and overcoat”) the song gets more jolly if slightly maudlin. I actually thought she sounded quite like Kylie Minogue on parts of this track, but I could have been inside too long. Overall, a sweet ballad. One to listen to when you’re feeling emotional on Christmas Eve whilst drinking a big tumbler of port.
Christmas Cheer: 7/10. Camp Level: 6/10. Rhyming: 6/10
Is it better than Kylie Minogue's Christmas Isn't Christmas 'Til You Get Here? No.
8. christmas where we are (FT. BILLY RAY CYRUS)
Not content with just one Cyrus on the album, Dolly ropes in Billy Ray. It’s the rockiest track on the collection and Dolly sounds really great. Billy Ray sounds like he’s recorded it on Boxing Day after a heavy lunch. I like the energy of the song and the pair of them seem like they’re having fun. Jamming, the kids might say. The fiddles sound lush, but there's a little Xmas magic missing.
Christmas Cheer: 7/10. Camp Level: 5/10. Rhyming: 6/10
Is it better than the Jonas Brothers and Like It's Christmas? Yes.
9. pretty paper (FT. willie nelson)
I must admit I wasn’t familiar with Willie’s 1979 version or Roy Orbison’s version either, which I prefer. Dolly’s duet with Willie is crisp and joyful. One for falling asleep in front of the fire.
Willie Nelson is a country music legend btw, so if you don't know him, introduce yourself.
Christmas Cheer: 6/10.
Camp Level: 5/10.
Rhyming: 6/10
Is it better than Christmas Love by Justin Bieber? Yes.
10. i saw mommy kissing santa claus
If you can suspend your disbelief and believe that 74 year old Dolly is six, then this is very enjoyable.
Christmas Cheer: 7/10. Camp Level: 10/10. Rhyming: 9/10
Is it better than the Ronnetes’ version? No.
11. you are my christmas (ft. randy parton)
IMHO, this is the best duet on the album. Randy and Dolly’s chemistry fizzles and it is full of infectious energy. It’s got lashings of warmth and out of the friskier helpings on the album, this is the one that stands out and does a great job of blending the Christmas and Country vibes. I’m now a Randy Parton fan.
Christmas Cheer: 10/10. Camp Level: 7/10. Rhyming: 8/10
Is it better than Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree by Mel and Kim? Arguably.
12. mary, did you know?
A song in which Dolly interviews the Virgin Mary. It’s classy, it’s humble and it is light on the production at the beginning, before ramping things up for a campy, evangelical finish. It’s melancholy undertones are rather nice, before its uplifting crescendo. Rousing backing vocals help raise the stakes emotionally. It's a conventional closer.
Christmas Cheer: 7/10. Camp Level: 6/10. Rhyming: 4/10
Is it better than Christmas Lights by Coldplay? Yes.
THE OVERALL VERDICT
I don't think Mariah needs to worry about her bank balance, but this is a solid effort that showcases Dolly's trademark vocals and positive attitude. It's down to earth like the star who made it and focusses on kindness, compassion and empathy. In a year that gets more and more divisive, Dolly is one of the few figures that can bring us all together. And whilst things grow darker outside figuratively and literally, why not follow Dolly's lead and start celebrating a little early? I'm off for a Buck's Fizz and a family argument over a board game.
Love Ben x
ONE OTHER THING!
Each time I do one of these, I'll highlight something that might be of interest. This week, I binged all four episodes of Lucky Kirkwood's Adult Material. I loved how unashamed it is tonally. And how it doesn't avoid messy, truthful or uncomfortable choices. It covers an awful lot of ground whilst wearing its heart on its sleeve. The cast were fantastic- Hayley Squires gives the best performance I've seen on telly this year. I'll be thinking about it for a while.