Hello everyone,
I hope you’re all happy and healthy. I got double vaxxed yesterday- hurrah! It’s been a while since I’ve written a blog, but I went through a stage where I didn’t want to write, or do, or indeed feel anything at all. However, I’ve started to see things differently in the last month or so, and I’ve started writing something new. I haven’t had an idea in a while. And this feels like a good one, maybe.
For me, when I think about ideas they don’t come from within. They’re outside things, things I have to be listening out and be present for, and I’ve been spending too much time in my own head with my own demons and paranoias and bullshit. But I’m going to let myself off the hook for that, I think, acknowledge it and try and move forward. Do more listening.
But yes, a seed of an idea, a few scenes, two old gay men and their dogs, falling in love. It feels like a love story, and that would be nice, I think. This time it was the ending that came to me first, and I think it’s a really good ending. I want to see it through, anyway.
To more pressing matters. Celebrity Masterchef starts again tonight at 9pm on BBC One. This evening, Su Pollard, Rita Simons (Roxy off Eastenders), Duncan James from Blue, Bez from the Happy Mondays and comedian Munya Chawawa will be put through their paces by homoerotic duo John Torode and Gregg Wallace.
And by the sound of the challenges, they’re really spoiling us. The first round, Under The Cloche, is brand new and sees contestants preparing a meal showcasing a mystery ingredient. After that, they must prepare a street food dish from Denmark and whip up something fit for a dinner party. I cannot stress to you how excited I am for 9pm.
In some years, Celebrity Masterchef is the only stable thing in my life. It’s reassuring, almost therapeutic, to watch a soap star bollocks up a chocolate fondant in front of a table full of past champions, or witness a TOWIE stalwart construct a pasta bake for one hundred Rolls Royce employees. It’s like the best comfort food- warm, tastes exactly as you remember it, and leaves you feeling full afterwards.
This year’s crop of contestants is an eclectic bunch, and here are my predictions, based purely on Masterchef seasons past.
Duncan James- Great at presentation but will either have too many flavours on the plate at once, or not enough seasoning at all. Will make it through to the quarter finals, but one of his courses will have big issues.
Su Pollard- Complete chaos, out in the heats. Will become emotional after the mass catering challenge as she realises her team’s accomplishments.
Munya Chawawa- Will also love the mass catering challenge, bantering with the resident chef there. A few early wobbles but then will suddenly flourish in the back half of the competition.
Rita Simons- Quite competent in the kitchen- might be big on spice? Has recently rediscovered her love of cooking and is really excited to learn new skills.
Bez from the Happy Mondays- Pub grub, presented extremely haphazardly but with plenty of flavour. Will have an incredibly messy kitchen that Gregg will roll his eyes over. Perhaps won’t make it all the way. However, he could pull a Les Dennis and win the hearts of the nation but just miss out on the trophy.
Journalist Gavin Esler- I did have to Google him, which means it’s hard to get a measure of how well he will do. I think he will have eaten in nice restaurants, will probably be into classic flavours. Could embrace his Scottish roots. A rogue entity.
Michelle Collins aka Cindy Beale- I can’t quite believe Michelle Collins hasn’t been on Celebrity Masterchef before, but I am thrilled to see her in this line up. I think she’ll definitely make it through to the semis, and have the time of her life. Will learn quickly, a team player. Might find out she’s good at desserts?
Strictly profesh dancer Johannes Radebe- Could do quite well here. Might play with new flavours that will have Gregg and John with their eyes on stalks during the talking heads but will be surprisingly nice when they try them. I wouldn’t put him in my final three- could flounder when it comes to cooking for critics.
Paralympic champion Kadeena Cox- athletes tend to historically do very well in the competition, so I expect Kadeena will excel. Competitive, and will try new things with her food. Gets super into it and grows to love professional kitchens. Could have her eye on the final.
Kem from Love Island- A safe bet, has been around the block when it comes to the reality TV circuit. Will make it through to the quarter finals and be knocked out in a tight contest. Will not enjoy the professional kitchens at all, will struggle with time management and probably burn himself.
The Repair Shop’s Will Kirk- there for the experience. Relishes in it all and goes with the flow but could be out rather early. Might struggle to improvise when given a rogue ingredient.
Actress Melissa Johns- a competent chef, who throws herself in 100%. Will definitely stick around. Openly loves avocados on Twitter, so we could see a lot of tasty breakfast food.
The one and only Katie Price- Do not underestimate the power of Pricey. I think she’ll have fire in her belly. And it’s a given that the presentation skills will be on point. Another contestant who might discover she’s cracking at desserts. I might even say she could make it to the final to be honest. Alternatively, she could be out first round for overcooking a fish she’s never heard of.
TV Presenter of Joe Swash- Joe Swash falls into the same category as Jeff Brazier for me: celebrity dads I’d like to f**k. That being said, I don’t think Joe will make it past the quarter finals. A fantastic sport, enthusiastic and will have to refine his presentation skills. Might drop a whole tart on the floor or serve raw chicken.
Ex- England footballer Dion Dublin- will put in a solid showing. A fantastic home cook, who is generous with flavour. Will relish the heat and the energy of a professional kitchen, and will cook a huge batch of chilli or spag bol in the mass catering challenge.
Sewing Bee judge Patrick Grant- I think Patrick is a shoe-in for the final. There’s just an aura he gives off- competent, calm, wouldn’t be seen dead in a Prezzo. Will cook extremely tasty food, Gregg will lick a plate at some point.
Reality star Megan Mckenna- Has had time to prepare and could possibly have utilised cooking lessons with a professional chef. Gets a lot done in a short space of time- uses plenty of processes and will make fantastic tasting dishes. An early front runner and I wouldn’t be surprised if we see her in the final.
Media personality Penny Lancaster- knows what scrummy food tastes like, and will perhaps be too ambitious early on. Out early-ish, but has had a wonderful time and won’t stop cooking just because the journey ends here.
Melanie Sykes- Might like fusion flavours. Could divide John and Gregg. Very professional and a quality booking IMHO.
BGT comedian Nabil Abdulrashid- hearty food, big portions and everything served with love and charm. Could make it to the semis.
Have a good week,
Love Ben x